Friday, May 9, 2008

The Secret Nine Exposed!!

At great personal risk, one of our operatives has come into possession of the following document, apparently written with a quill dipped in blood (eeee-ooooooo, gross.)


Minutes of the regular meeting of the Secret Nine

Roll Call: Mossad Agent Menachem, Jesuit Representative Gustav, KKK Local Chair Hank T., Illuminati Jim, Trilateral Commissioner Starks, The Oprah, Sheik Abdul, Ryan Seacrest, and FBC Deacon Hope.

Chairman Illuminati Jim called the meeting to order at 7:30. Meeting held in the secret back chamber of IHOP, in an undisclosed town in Georgia.

Opening prayer to Ja-Bul-Lan led by Deacon Hope. Refreshments brought by Gustav, which nobody would eat…again.

Old Business:

Hank T. reported that the Information Committee is continuing its Truth Campaign against two local ministers. Latest rumors include the accusation that pictures of naked men are posted at their website.

TLC Starks reported that the Free Speech Committee has been unsuccessful in shutting down The Reformed Mafia blog.

Not only that, but the RM has added three new members since Operation Sovereign Grace began at the local First Baptist Church. The latest one, we have no information about. He’s just called The Mole. After much discussion about the Mole’s identity, Deacon Hope assured the Nine that this cannot possibly be a member of the FBC in question.

Abdul noted that the minor rebellion at a particular FBC church in town has been effectively crushed. Everyone else seems to be falling in line as expected.

New Business

Erratic behavior has been noted at the accursed Incrediblog. The motif was recently changed, from some dopey super-hero thing, to Star Trek, and now it has apparently changed again. No action was taken, as the consensus is that the author of that blog is insane and harmless.

Also, a recent Reformed Mafia post managed to bring in traffic from several other authors of offensive and dangerous websites. The Oprah will use her considerable resources to track all of these down and ensure their silence.

Ryan unveiled plans to cause a new tsunami off the coast of the Philipines this coming July. Unanimously approved.

Meeting adjourned. Next meeting will be at Hank’s house, where we will BBQ.


kelly jack said...

Add in a little action on the high seas with that and it could be your next book. Sadly it would be in the non-fiction section.

Machine Gun Kelley said...

This is great stuff. Please be sure our informant is paid handsomely.